Thursday, 26 April 2012

One person you can trust - yourself.

Well on going from my last blog, my dance competition went really well -  i came 2nd place overall and gained a 1st in one of my dances so i was chuffed as i danced really well :-)

Having said all of this, things haven't really got any better.
Stress has taken itself to a new record and i hate it. i hate sometimes, being the person that i am. putting everyone before myself.
Some people at the moment are out to hurt me and other people i know, and its just not fair because they really dont care. and thats sad because the person they are now, isnt who they were before all of this.
I try not to let it stress me out , but i care too much in truth i guess.
But theres no doubt i will always care about those closest to me, and they were some of those people.
I hope that my friends are okay, as everyone seems to be going through their own rough time at the moment. You could be in a great mood at one moment, and then bad the next - all because of a small insignificant thing.
I guess this all just adds to other things that are going on in life right now.
But as i said in my last post, i always try to remember no matter how much stress and upset im under, theres always someone out there doing worse than i am. and i feel for those people.

I love my closest friends and family for the support ive received recently,
i just wish things would pick up.

Friday, 20 April 2012


In truth i didnt know what to name this post as, because i have been in a low place since i last post. Well, its been up and down.
But yesterday was a very low day - all the stress and upset came out and the tears came falling.
I'm not going to detail you all with whats happened, but some people who read this who know me will know what this is all about.

This low place has been horrible. It's been the result of a series of things that have gone on in the past months that have built to this point. Yesterday i let it all go and let it all out because i couldnt contain it anymore. I couldnt put the brave face on anymore that everyone sees everyday from me.
But the thing that gets me through is a few quotes and knowing that what im going through is nothing compared to others out there, one being my amazing cousin who i will be thinking about today.

The quote "If you cant handle me at my worst, you sure as hell dont deserve me at my best" is one for me to remember today, and for others to remember.
I am not a selfish person, i will always put my friends before myself - never myself before them. And for this once, maybe i need to. because its me thats getting hurt, yet i ignore it and think i am fine.
I hate my family and close friends seeing me like this, like that.
Yet again, I have been pointed out who i can and can't trust anymore. Sad really, realising the few actual friends i have. Yet i am so grateful to them because without them i dont know what i would do. They know who they are, and if they read this - i love you all, and thank you.

I believe i am a relatively strong person, but sometimes you have to give in right? You can't be strong and brave all the time - although i wish i was.
I'm hoping for happier times, happier days now. Never giving up that hope.
With a dance competition ahead of me this weekend - I'm once again going to put this to the back of my head, to focus on my dance this weekend.
Who knows what next week will bring.

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Easter Holidays

So, easter holidays. The 2 weeks that schools have off.
It feels really weird for me! Although i am 18, i should have been in year 13 right about now, but i decided i'd drop out at the start. Something that many people who know me thought i'd never do!

But yano what? I am SO glad i did! After my quite frankly shocking year 12 results - i was feeling very low and realised that i am not exactly an academic person. Now i really didnt need to be reminded of this by my teachers on results day. There i was with one of my friends sophie, balling my eyes out because i had worked so hard, only to get crappy results... and in comes my head of year - with my head of 6th form following. both making snide comments and looks at me. So i decided to leave - even though they wanted me to stay and "talk".
A couple of weeks later when everyone was deciding what to drop, i had to  go in to have a meeting with them both. Cutting a long story short - i was told that i was:
a. a failure
b. no point me staying
c. that in year 12 i "struggled" and didnt concentrate
d. made me go and speak to my teachers
So my only option was to stay on with 2 subjects and an extended project. What was the point?
But still i went to speak to one of my teachers who was fine with me staying on, and the other? couldnt give a monkeys about me and said they wouldnt speak to me until lunch time... well i wasnt staying that long (it was 10am at this time)

So i decided it was time i left.
I had a meeting with my head of year and told her that was it, i was leaving - Did they care that much? nope... not at all.

But i made the right decision. I'd had quite a miserable year in year 12 because i was repeatedly told i was not an A* student. YES I KNOW.
I may have struggled but i did my absolute best - which i was never ever praised for.
And what i realised was i could do what i wanted to do in life without a uni degree and would probably get further with experience. There was only 1 uni i wanted to go to that would have been worthwhile anyway.

So here i am, doing what i want to do without having teachers in my ear telling me i would fail.
Well guess what? i havent, i am succeeding.
So my advice to them would be... Dont put people down and make their lives a misery - because they will come back and tell you otherwise. Especially when you come up to me and ask if i miss it - thinking i'd say yes, when i said no.

P.s massive thank you to my amazing friend Thomas Joy for linking me on his blog... so i will do the same back!

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

No idea what to call this post...

Hello, so it's me again! felt like blogging tonight, helps to write about stuff i guess.

So, i think its safe to say my stress levels right now are MAJORLY high...
As i am a dancer - injuries are bound to follow. Anyway, cutting to the chase - i've just had to have my very first operation on my shoulder because of an injury gained training with my dance partner for the world champs. Now, bearing in mind this was like 18 months ago... i only had my operation 6 weeks ago. HOW DOES THIS FIGURE?! Well, doctors and hospital had no clue what had happened to my shoulder and scans werent showing much... so decided to send me to physio - it made it 10 times worse (lucky me), so i was sent back to hospital and they decided they had no choice but to operate.

Anyway, this injury has posed some problems... especially with my job, day to day life and dancing. ive had 6 weeks off work already but now needing more time off after trying to go back last weekend. It's scary because  the doctors keep telling me the part time job im in could have an effect on my shoulder if i go back. so now in a bit of a hiccup with work and myself really...

My life at the moment is basically a rollercoaster, much like a lot of peoples i guess.
I tend to go by a lot of quotes and sayings at the moment - mainly positive ones - helps!
But one thing i do hate... when everything comes at you all at once.. situation after situation.
But oh well, i guess thats just the way it goes!
Life would be boring otherwise.

or would it?

Sunday, 1 April 2012

My first ever blog!

Hi guys,
I'm genuinely puzzled on how to even begin my first blog, let alone what to write about!
So I'm going to tell you in a general term about myself. (not too much detail!)

My name is Robyn, I am a dancer - ranging in different styles, and i dance competitively.
I dropped out of school at the start of year 13 because of the school i was at, and i realised i didnt need a uni degree to do what i want to do in life.
I am a very family and friends orientated person, so there may be a few blogs about them!
I listen to pretty much every kind of music, all depending on my mood... I'm not going to lie- i am pretty much obssessed by music, i cant go a day without it!

I guess a couple of weeks ago, i truely learnt who i was. I always knew deep down the type of person i was but never really truely thought about it. This was all discovered at a 4 hour training seminar at work. We learnt about a thing called DISC. ( Four behaviour styles)
D - Directing
I - Influencing
S - Steady
C - Cautious
It was designed to examine the behavior of individuals in their environment or within a specific situation. It therefore focuses on the styles and preferences of such behavior.

I know what you might think - ughhh 4 hours YAWN. But in reality? It was very interesting to see what behaviour style each of the people i work with are.
I happen to be an S. Which basically means that i seek acceptance. An S's traits are: supportive,reliable,agreeable,patient,loyal,modest,easy going, listener and empathy.
Mainly put people ahead of themselves rather than putting themself first.
This is probably me in a nut shell. Although i was only 3 points off an I, but i wont go into that! Maybe in a couple of blogs time...

But i guess my point here is, actually learning who i am was indeed very interesting but also quite scary and i guess gave me - as they say - a kick up the bum!
It's difficult but i am now trying to look at the bigger picture, rather than just go day by day... yano?

I am sorry if this has bored you, but i am rather hoping this may have interested atleast a few people!
I will blog again soon :-)